


Why Couldn't It Be Me

by anshulazear



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Acid, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Death, F/F, Gang Violence, Gore, Latin, Relationship Problems, Violent, i wrote the chapter names in latin, jade a bad bitch too, jade is soft for tori, tori be the baddest bitch lmao, wierdly written in a way i cant describe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28114590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anshulazear/pseuds/anshulazear
Summary: You cannot force someone to receive a message that they are not ready to receive.After all you can't rush something you want forever.Be Careful.There are people who will look at your love only as a place to put their pain.𝔐𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔠𝔨𝔗𝔥𝔢𝔎𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔢𝔯
Relationships: Beck Oliver/Tori Vega, Tori Vega/Jade West, Tori Vega/Trina Vega
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Creaturae

**Author's Note:**

> reposted in cuz i made it a full storyyyy

Jadelyn October West

Jadelyn O West

Jadelyn O W

Jade O W

J O W

No matter what people may say. 

I'm still Jadelyn West. There's no alter ego with each name. This isn't one of those YouTube videos of Jade vs Jadelyn.

I no matter what am Jadelyn West. A student. A daughter. A cousin. A best friend. A gangster. 

Chisel my pride. My confidence. And I'll still be Jadelyn West 

Except. 

I lied. 

Because she changed me. She changed me. 

She gave me a reason not to just

Kill.

She anchored me. 

Took hits for me. Defended me when I couldn't defend myself. 

And yet. . 

I couldn't do the same


	2. Qoud Mundus Arbiteretur Errasse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if titles r incorrect. I used translate on google

The universe made a mistake. I'm sure of it. 

I'm not supposed to wake up in a decent mood

I'm not supposed to get a vacation from my gang.

I'm not supposed to leave my AEK-971 at home. 

I'm not supposed to laugh when Robert makes a funny joke. 

I'm not supposed to see the most beautiful girl. 

But I do. I did. And I wish I could un see it. Because maybe then

She'd still be here, standing at her locker, smiling at the passing students. 


	3. At Last Nos Loqui. Vega Victoria

I should've made sure that I kept my distance.

But your beauty. It stuns me

Your like Athena. Beautiful, and no matter what the legends say. More beautiful than your sister, Aphrodite. 

But you are also a fierce, ruthless warrior. 

Your beauty compelled me to you. Which is why I found myself, sitting in front of you. 

In any lesson. 

"I've noted you are always next to me in lessons. May as well properly introduce myself right?"

Your voice echoed like a band. A band playing the symphonies of the gods, a sweet harmony mixing with the equally as sweet energy you give off.

" Seeing as your not speaking. Victoria Vega. Pleased to finally introduce myself"

Your eyes turnt into small crescents moons as your mouth spread open into a wide, gummy smile, showing off your pearly white teeth. 

You blind me Victoria

"Jadelyn West."

And then I blinded you. 


	4. Ex Diebus Tecum Vega Victoria

We spent everyday together. 

It was hard for me not to be infatuated with you. It's selfish, I know. 

And it has cost me so so fucking much. I'm in so much fucking pain. 

I was in pain when Ryder asked you out. 

"Hey Tori." the dark haired boy greeted, his boyish grin never leaving his face. His eyes shining brighter than the freshly polished tables

"Hey Ryder, what's up?" 

So innocent. You didn't know the boy was deeply in love with you. But you never cared. 

"I was just wondering. Could I take you out this Saturday? Like a date?" His boldness. His body radiating confidence. He was stealing you from me. 

But just like always. All I could do was watch

"I'm really sorry Ryder. Your a great guy, and I love you as a brother. But I currently like somebody else. I'm sorry if this makes things weird between us. I don't wanna loose a good friend like you."

You practically begged him. 

Begging is weak Victoria Vega. I should know. 

The man who begged me before I got there ended up at the bottom of the ocean.

His grin faltered for a moment. But it was soon replaced with an even brighter one. 

"Thats okay Tor. I-I guessed this would happen to be fair"

His tripped over his words. 

He's hiding his emotions. His tears. The blatant disappointment written across his fake smile. 

He smiles and chuckles nervously, which you pick up on. 

You rushed towards him, and engulfed him in a warm hug. Despite the height difference. 

He looked temporarily shocked, but he hugged back none the less. 

"I'm so sorry for springing this on you Tori. I-I've like you for so damn long. . I just couldn't wait anymore.God I feel so stupid" 

His eyes slammed shut. Blocking out any emotions. Trapping some in.

"We can't control how we feel Ryder. Your not stupid." 

You pulled away, smiling slightly. 

"Whatever you feel for me now, will only increase 10 fold when you meet the right one. I'm sorry you thought it was me"

Your head dropped down. 

Your own weakness was always feeling other people emotions too strongly. 


	5. Ex Diebus Tecum Vega Victoria P2

You told me about it. 

You told me over dinner. We sat, chatting. When you brought it up, while casually eating a piece of chicken. 

I pretended to go along. 

No matter how much it hurt

"Cut the crap Jade. I know you were there. I could practically feel you burning a hole in the back of my head."

My eyes widened in surprise. 

You never used that tone on me. Not unless it was a joke. But looking into your eyes all I saw was sadness and pain. 

As if you closed your eyes, your emotions became void, and you stood up.

"I'm going to get beer. Want anything?"

I shook my head in a negative. 

They can't give me you back

"I'll pick you up something anyways" 

You turnt and winked at me, before leaving the house.

I sat back on the sofa, staring at you as you walked down the street, hoodie up but a kind smile on your face.

I miss you. 


	6. Primum Injures Et Dedit Tibi

Four shady figures appeared on our street. 

They looked around and looked up, to find me staring back at them, and uneasy feeling located deep within me. 

One of the figures removed his mask 

His face branded with a large J, which denatured when he smiled, pulling his mask back on, they all began to run down the street you had walked down. 

I jumped up. Not caring that I was only in a hoodie and joggers and a pair of old trainers, I ran out of the house, calling your neighbour to lock up the house for me.

I ran. 

I really tried Tor. 

But by the time I got there. You were already on the ground, broken bottles and foamy liquids mixing with the dark crimson liquid pouring out of you stomach and head.

As much as I want to tell you I stayed calm. 

I didn't. 

I screamed, I applied pressure to the wound while screaming for someone to help. 

Someone came, and the called the ambulance. They allowed me on. 

They ripped your top.

The wound. 

It was horrible. 

It was a long jagged wound, that dug deep. 

The different layers of flesh could easily be seen. Your thin body didn't help much

Your bone was practically showing and the blood wouldn't stop pouring.

The damage to your head wasn't nearly as bad. Just a simple knock against the wall, cutting a small amount of the skin on your temple.

Then there was the smaller wounds, where some small parts of glass had entered your skin. 

"Miss, please have a seat." 

The lady escorted me to the back of the vehicle, she sat next to me and rubbed my back. 

"Will they scar?" 

It was a stupid question. 

As a gangster. I know they scar. 

For the rest of your life

But I wanted to know if you would stop talking to me completely, or whether you'd just do it until they fade.

"The small cuts will, along with her head injury. However, that stomach scar isn't going anywhere."

She handed me a tissue. I took, not realising I was still crying

"You might need more than that to clean the blood J"

You whispered. Gently, smiling as you laid your head back down, allowing the darkness to take over once more.

Talk to me now Tor.

Just come back for a moment. Tell me your gonna be back. 

Please


	7. Victoria Raptum De Vega

You had healed. It took 3 months but you healed. 

You didn't show any signs of fear, no flinching, just boxing lessons, shooting lessons.

I killed them. Me and Beck killed them

Shot them 56 times in their stomach's and legs while they hung upside down. 

So they'd feel the pain.

Then we threw them in a large pit of acid. Watched how they all swallowed a large amount of the liquid as their skin begun to bubble and peal away.

The acid turning a dark red colour, making their bodies invisible.

We arranged a night in. 

Me, you, your cousin and her girlfriend, Andre and Robbie.

"Cat and Trina are already on the way. Andre is going with you. Robbie has yet to show up."

"I'm not leaving you alone Tor"

You laughed and stroked my hair, curling the ends of it with your finger tip. 

"Look J, I know your worried. But I'm at home. Nothing bad could happen."

You lied. 

We all got there to a destroyed house. 

Knives stuck in your wall

Bookcases thrown

Couches torn

Your bedroom door broken down. 

Our pictures, sprawled on the floor, cracks running along them.

Trina quickly checked the camera's as I paced around the room, running my hands through my hair.

Fuck I'm Sorry Victoria.


	8. Victoria Raptum De Vega P2

I can only imagine what you went through.

After seeing you kill 3 of the men on cam with your precise head shots.

I dont wanna imagine any more. 

It took 3 weeks to find you. 

We involved the police. 

They found you. 

Barely alive. A gash across your face. 

Burn marks on your back and neck

A cube of flesh cut out of your thigh. Which you seemed to sew back in with a pin and the material of the dead men's masks. 

Cuts on your neck, that would fade. But there none the less.

Broken ribs. Broken Arm. Broken Leg.

Missing a tooth. 

Busted lips and a bruised eye. Your hair matted with blood and blood clots.

It haunts me Tor. We hadn't even made it into Uni yet. 

And here I was. Putting you in danger. 

You always told me it wasn't my fault. 

Everyone knows I'm a gangster. 


	9. Primum Argumentum Nostrum Graves

It happened. Our First serious argument

"Jade for the last fucking time. I'm not leaving you just because I got a little hurt.!"

"A little? Your barely made it out of that fucking warehouse Vega!"

"So what?! I did didn't I? I powered through right? I know how to handle myself Jade!"

"Yeah thats why your currently on crutches right now"

"Don't fucking go there Jadelyn"

"You should just go and forget about me Tori. I'm no good for you. Your body is filled with the wounds from a battle that is not yours to fight!."

"For god's sake Jade!" 

You threw your crutches to the side and stomped over towards me, grabbing my hips, forcing me into your lips.

In that kiss was the sweetness of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a moment, exploding any thoughts in my mind. Your tongue begun to wander, as did mine. 

We stayed like that for a long passionate minute before you pulled away, flustered. 

I unconsciously licked my lips. 

Iron. 

No matter what I want. That iron scent that follows me throughout my life. I wont allow it to stain you too Jennie.

"Please Jade"

You cupped my cheek, tears threatening to spill. 

I was hurt. Shocked.

You never cried in front of me. Ever. In the 3 years we've known each other. You haven't shed a single tear.

I pulled your hand off my face. Already missing your warmth. Holding my own tears in.

"Jade. Look me- Look me in my eyes. And tell me you don't feel anything towards me."

I looked over at you. And I admit, if it was both hazelnut eyes staring back at me I would've given in.

However, it was only one eye. The other side of your face bandaged. 

Because of my mistakes. 

"I Love You Jade"

I love you too Tori. So fucking much

" If we ever meet again. When we're older. Tell me what attracts you."

I pulled away and stepped back. Watching your heart fall out of your chest. Your eyes cloud over as your bottom lip trembles.

"Because I dont love you Victoria"


	10. Ac Ultimo Primi Temporis, In III Annis

I was in California. 

I didn't forgive myself. 

The pain I felt knowing you had left that same night. No goodbyes. 

It made me realise how much I fucked us up.

I was getting Ice-Cream. Milk flavoured. 

When we bumped into each other. 

Your hair a shiny black, your fringe a light pink colour. Your skin a clear as day. 

But the scar still staining you face.

You looked-look beautiful. 

"Jade?"

I shook myself out of the dream state you always seem to put me in. 

Your cheeky grin, stretching across your face as you open your arms

"Gonna gawk all day or are you gonna hug me?"

I did. 

I ran into your arms like a child who had lost their mom in a mall. 

Because that's how lost I felt without you near me everyday. 

"How have you been?"

I shrugged.

"I quit. Started doing writing classes. Now I'm a English teacher in training"

"Really?!! Congrats J!"

Your excitement and joy for me

Why? 

I did nothing but hurt you?

"What about you Tor?"

"I finished boxing lessons, kick-boxing too. Then I started doing freelance photography. "

What do you take picture off?"

Nothing could be more beautiful than you Victoria. 

So what captured your eye, like who you caught mine?

"Nature. My scars. Buildings."

A genuine smile appeared on my face. 

Embrace the wounds that sculpt you. There your battle wounds, 

and your my bravest solider.


	11. Sanctus Vitae Multus Magis Quam Mors

I woke up to a constant ringing on my phone.

8am

"Hello?"

Your rushed yet calm voice spoke out quietly

"Jade. I don't have much time. Go back to Canada. Don't bother fucking argue with me okay? Just go. This isn't about me or you, Cat and Trina will be waiting at the airport in bright blue and green tracksuits. When you get there just go and don't come back. They'll give whatever you need."

My mind threw thoughts everywhere.

"But Tor-"

"No Jade. I'm not fucking doing this. Get the fuck out of here. I love you J. So fucking much..even after these years. I still love you."

The dial tone filled my ears

Tears rapidly ran out of my eyes. My breathing was heavy.

But I did what you asked.

I got up and threw what little clothes I had into my suitcase and left the hotel. 

I called a taxi over and went straight to the airport.

I got there and paid the driver and extra $30. 

Compensation of having to hear my heavy sniffs and sobs all the way.

Tears were still freshly leaking out of my eyes when I saw them

They grabbed me and pulled me into a deep hug. 

My back wetting up from their tears too.

How the hell Tor

I'm the gangster. But your taking the hits

Im the gangster. But your risking it all

I'm the gangster. And your the love of my life. 

I'm lost without you Tori

The plane ride would've been nice if you were here. 

Your own private plane? 

Its called the JADE x95

My favourite Tupac album came out then

Me against the world.

The seats are yellow.

My favourite colour. 

I sat in the chair, knees pulled up to my face, tears pouring out of my eyes, clear liquid pouring out of my nose.

It got worse when the news played.

"23 year old woman found brutally murdered and then pushed off a 17 story building. Reports say she had a scar from her forehead to the tip of her nose. Her arms were broken in multiple places, along with her skull. Her ribs had pierced through her heart as soon as she hit ground, making it an instant yet bloody death"

The plane was filled with silence. The noise outside was silent too. 

Please. Please Tori

"The woman, Victoria Marie Vega, was a famous photographer. Having hitting a 36.6 Million followers on Instagram, she was well known for her pictures of delicate scenery and her own wounds. See Channel Six for more information."

Thats it's. 

We sat stunned. No one opening their mouth once. Eyes fixed on the screen that showed the blood splatter on the concrete floor. 

But it was the back for me.

A man stood, cap on. Smirking into the camera. Hidden by the crowds of police.

Then he disappeared. 

And so did the silence

Screams and silenced sobs filled the plane. Pain and agony bounced off the windows as me and Cat huddled up together, screaming and crying.

Trina however just sat there, numb. Her face pale with grief. Singular tears dropped out of her wide eyes. Her mouth agape. 

Her cousin. The cousin she was raised with, was dead.

And it was my fault.


	12. Ac Ultimo Primi Temporis,In III Annis P2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oop the one i posted before

Jade sat on the warm bench, it was soaked in the Californian sunlight, as she looked to the left of her, the now tall girl was silently spooning small amounts of Milk ice-cream into her mouth, allowing her mouth to cool down as she did.

_Tori._

_Tori had always been for Jade, even when they had argued, fought and left. They we're just meant to stay together._

But Jade wasn't too sure if Tori felt the same way.

_Or if the universe did._

"Tor. I have to ask you something"

Tori turnt her face around, allowing Jade to see her beautiful golden face, and the deep faded scar that fell from her forehead to nose.

Swallowing the guilt and replacing it with butterflies

"Sure J? What's up?"

Her voice was as smooth as her skin, it simply slid out of the girls mouth, massaging Jade's ears as it formed into words.

"We're older now. You told me when we got older, you'd finally answer me."

Jade breathed out, nervous.

_Nervous because of the question_

_Nervous of the answer to come out of the dazzling girl's mouth_

"Okay. Well, ask away"

"W-what attracts you to people? Y-you haven't dated anyone. What would make you want to be with a single person?"

Tori sighed, scrunching up the small ice-cream tub as she did. She unconsciously covered her scar.

_Memories she didn't want, but was forced to relive._

_Realities she wanted to exterminate. Forget that they even existed._

"I'm attracted to intelligence."

Jade kept her mouth shut at this

_She wasn't intelligent._

"Not book smart intelligence, I couldn't give a fuck if they've gone to college or how much money they make in their jobs. Intelligent conversations, ones that leave me deep in thought for hours on end. Conversations that I think about when I'm doing the most mundane things, like going to sleep or washing my hair. I soak up love and care from radical minds. They won't need to constantly tell me they want to go out and do something because."

She stopped and looked at Jade, smiling brightly, noticing the tears building behind the other girl's eyes.

"Because their words, their voice, their presence. Well, it's better than any date in a public place. Full of bimbo's who think they can find love in the back of a bar, or in the card slot of their wallet Thats why I chose you Jade." She added softly, wiping the tears off the other girl's face, forcing her own tears to stop.

Tears rolled down Jade's smooth skin, and no matter how tightly she clenched her eyes shut.

The truth still barged it's way into her pupils.

And when she finally found the courage to open them, she was met with the dusty white sheets, that covered every single piece of furniture. The cold wooden floor and the stripped brick walls suffocating her. 

_Reminding her she could've done more._

The room echoed with the sound of her heart cracking into pieces. Her sobs tearing silently out of her throat.

She opened her mouth, allowing an agonising scream to finally show it's bloody and torn self.

"Why couldn't it be me Tor" She whispered, her throat burning, her heart breaking and her soul separating from her scrawny body.

"Why couldn't it be me"

Darkness engulfed her vision, but as she closed her eyes, she would swear it. She would swear on her life.

That the golden skinned girl, was standing above her, smiling sadly

_But hey._

**Never trust a gangster.**


	13. Victoria Vega's Letter

Jadelyn October West

Jadelyn O West.

Jadelyn West 

Jade West

Jadey

J O W

J

My love

My future wife. 

I love you Jade. When I first saw you I was mesmerised.

I had just moved from New Zealand. My parents had died in a drug hit. They didn't do drugs but.

We're all in circumstances we choose not to be in. 

Trina and Cat were my only friends. 

You sat next to my on the first day. I'll admit, I was scared

Because I knew you were the one for me. But if your reading this I've probably died or moved across the world.

I always wondered why you were so stiff. But when you loosened up to me at my house, and we played UNO, made cupcakes and watched Lady and the Tramp. 

I knew you were definitely the one.

But you showed no interest. So I kept it to myself. 

When you saw Ryder ask me out, I felt your eyes piercing me. I hoped you would catch the hint. 

Your so dense. 

Thats why I snapped. Because you just weren't seeing obvious signs. But it's okay. 

The first time they attacked me I pressed my fingers into my stomach. To make me pass out. It would help keep me alive a bit longer so i I did it.

The abduction was something I never want to explain. But I will. Because I love you Jadelyn.

They raped me 2. Then when I hit one hard enough they pulled out their knife and pulled it down my face. Then they slapped it heavily. 

It made me pass out. I don't remember anything except waking up and kicking them, then the police. Nothing after that.

I didn't want to leave you Jade. I know you felt at blame. But I didn't want to leave. 

Your my soul. My start and end. I love you so much. And I'm so sorry we couldn't get our happy ending.

I know what your already doing right now. So listen and Listen well

Its unfair to keep trying to justify the pain and guilt your currently holding onto. There are lessons in Letting go and Moving on. This is my lesson to you. 

Carry on your dancing. Do some singing. Take up a sport. Photograph anything you think is beautiful. You may not see it again. 

Get back out there. Find someone. Your so young Jade. 22. Find someone who loves you truly, I guarantee you'll find that it's easier to love someone who loves you back. 

Make their heart flutter the way you made mine flutter. Make them smile like how you made me smile. Just do anything you can

To forget about me. 

Once you've read these letter's J. 

Burn them. 

I'm already gone. I don't know where but they've been trying to get to you for 3 years. I stopped them each time but this time they may have gotten me too. And thats okay. So please Jade move on.

Victoria Marie Vega

Victoria M Vega

Victoria Vega

Victoria V

T M V

T

Your my world.

**_Why couldn't I be yours?_ **


	14. Author Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pls leave reviews in the comments :))  
> Hope u enjoyed!

Title Names are in Latin. . . 

Chapter 1

**Creation**

Chapter 2

**The Universe Has Made A Mistake**

Chapter 3

**At Last We Talk. Victoria Vega**

Chapter 4

**At Last We Talk. Victoria Vega. P2**

Chapter 5

**Time With Victoria Vega**

Chapter 6

**Time with Victoria Vega P2**

Chapter 7

**The first Injures I gave You**

Chapter 8

**The Abduction of Victoria Vega**

Chapter 9

**The Abduction of Victoria Vega P2**

Chapter 10

**Our First Serious Argument**

Chapter 11

**The first Time In 3 Years**

Chapter 12

**Life Is More Painful Then Death**

Chapter 13

**The first and Last Time In 3 years**

sorry if some r incorrect. i used google translate :(

Hope u enjoyed this story :)


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